Being a sweet and loving person can be the most wonderful thing but on the other hand it can annoy me utterly. Being a caring and sensitive person is struggeling with daily ups and downs, is wanting to put others on a pedestal while you are cheering in the background, is wanting to be there for the ones you love and especially: is sometimes forgetting yourself. I deal with this every day. As mentioned in the quote above, I tend to rip my heart out for others and quite often not receiving something in return. And still... Still I keep on doing the same thing over and over again. Am I blind? Am I not seeing this through? NO. I am fully aware of what I do for others because it gives me energy to make someone happy, to know you could help them in times they needed you to. And still I get the message 'Don't forget yourself. You also deserve the same love back.' I can be completely heartbroken and devastated when people break me off, when people don't have an eye for the power I put in them. This can nail me down until I fall into a deep well. Then the same question swirls into my mind: 'Why do I keep doing this when I know I will never receive something in return?' I'm too good for people. Even people I don't know. This also includes danger. While I'm being open to others, while I'm there for others as an exhaust, people tend to be more open as well. Nothing wrong with that, I agree. But (yes, there is a 'but') sometimes boundaries can fade and I don't always have this in hand or I don't even notice it. Mostly my friends have to put me back on my feet to notice the reality of what's happening. This is danger. Putting feelings on the first place, is also playing with feelings. And we all know feelings are something touchy, easy to influence. Also being good to people you don't know includes a danger: people can misuse your sincere feelings. My nature is to search fot the sensisitve part in a human being and simultaneously and unconsciously I tend to influence others. ​
The reason for writing this is because I know other people 'suffer' with this as well. Being a caring person is seen as something beyond wonderful but what people tend to forget is that caring people tend to forget their own wonderfulness. Being busy with focussing on the personalities of others is at the same time putting yourself in a shadow. And that can break you down. I can know. This is a thing most people don't realize. When you have a friend or partner as myself, put them back into reality from time to time because they tend to forget themselves when they need themselves the most. I have the luck to have a partner who forces me from time to time to face the facts. I'm grateful for that because I know I'm not able to do this for myself. AND it helped me so much, from realizing I'm focussing too much on someone else to fleeing on time out of an unwanted situation. Being a caring person is fantastic, especially in a world where ego's are starting to become a norm but don't forget yourself. YOU has to be on number one and only on number two can be another person you care about. LotsOfLove, -Maple Juice-